expecting the next puff of a cigrette!

what would be you if you are not in a state like todays?. Did anyone thought of it yet. a sophisticated real history is with everyone.but try to change each incidence with anything else. or try to think of a life which was neither yours and nor anyones near you.when we think about a life which is so far and again feel to live that,and when we hv no guts to apostatise, there will be a lot of problems around that. and it is more complicated when we live in an orthodox family and live in a place which create more cultural barriers.
someone said to me that life is so short, so break rules to live the life as we want. ya, i feel to do n live my life.
i can imagine me in a state of full freedom and self-destruction or in an isthmus or in an island.
i love to wander through the streets, to the different cultures.i can imagine me in haridwar with cigars and drugs.i donno why, but i am compell to do this, not by othres, but by my mind itself.at that time, i know there will be no more relations connected to me, everyhtng must be ruined by me.but i love to dream that. but am dare to face the reality.as the life is compulsarily ordered to live in someother way, it just feels as a curse.when i made the first puff in my life, i cannot explain, how beautiful it is. whenever i thought of it, i felt a self-respect or independancy or something something or a mental orgasm.but it never happened again.that just felt till the next puff.
my burg is very bore. a very usual life.a place which never changed.its growing,but mentally, evryone is still in the 19th century.life cannot be changed here.here, every relation must have name. Noone understand that there is some relations which have no name, which cannot be bounded by some aspects. life is like a charade, but usually answer will be wrong.evryone is interpretting others life and attitude, and making some other meaning. intruders!! hell of that.
here is raining everyday. each raindrops come with raga's. i love to walk in th rain, through the cities where noone watch me with lusty eyes, where eveyone gives a respect to an independant woman.but it will never happen in my city.
here is some of my dreams:but for all of this, i want my love with me or agood companion,otherwise all these plans will be utter bore.
i love to wander through cities,
to have food from street shops,
to have a long drive in nights,
to sit in knolls in nights,
to hear poems,
to say poems loudly,
wow..how beautiful.
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