is it good to be a single child?

i started to think about some of my behaviours after reading a post. yes, only reading can make us write. the matter is that, i talk to myself a lot, in my home, outside home too.. as i brought up alone i used to talk to myself, to my diary, to the mirror, sometimes to the person who doesnt exist anywhere around me. i remember, from childhood i used to imagine situations that shall happen in recent times and i create the whole dialogues that i have to tell when that situation occurs. :) but that help me most times., but not always.
my colleague told me that when i walk on road, my face explains that i am thinking so deeply. and am just out of mind. yeah true.. i think a loooot, mostly when i walk alone. i told here before that am not am singer, but i love to sing and i do that in mind, i sing a lot, and sometimes i cannot control that interest and then the song will burst out of my mouth.. and the sad part is that, it always happen when am travelling, or walking.. soo sad.. then i'll start think of the people around me, poor people.. hei dont think i sing loudly.. noo. slow.. bt people can understand that my mouth is moving and am not on fone or something.. so they may feel am mad!!
why all this happen in me?.. may be am brought up as a single child.. sometimes, it hurts when my friends talk about their siblings and all that... but the same thing make me happy sometime.. when am home, i get complete attention of my parets, i dont have to share their love, or anythng.. when they bring something home, i dont have to give to anyone. am i being selfish??.. oh God, no.. when am with friends, i love to give them alll that.. but the matter is that noone is demanding me to give this or that..
but girls shouldnt born or brought up lonely.. my life taught me that.. sometimes, the lonely feeling makes me mad...

Manukuttan

He was charming,
handsome,
naughty, so loveable.
He was the love of
a family.
He always care about
his hair, beard.
new styles, new looks.
he was fantastic.

but last time, when i saw him,
he was laying on a bench,
covered with white clothes.
His head was half damaged,
no new look,
no beard,
no smile in his lips.
no pain also.

His loved one's told me
with tears ..
look, its not him.
its not him.

29/9/2011

When your heart stop thinking of me,
Stop beating for me,
My heart starts beating heavily as
It dont get enough air to breathe.
Kanna,
Why is it so?

kottayam - karukachal, 21km

I always loved journeys. travelling long distance, even if the scenes are same. from childhood, i try to make stories about the houses that i pass by, from the persons roamed there. all houses have its own stories. it may be idiotic, but i love to do that. when getting bored of the story creation i start thinking about my stories.

By feeling a very strong love, me and him had planned to get married 3,4 years ago. yeah, that was my teenage. so actually i can understand now what the teenage actually feels. but now, i know that we might have get divorced by now. its not because we dont love, it actually because the lack of time spending together. I know al the facts and situations surrounding us. Because of job, we dont get time as much as we had in our college days. but when the temper is in peak, i really cant remind and understand this. Why why why.????
So i think one should not get married without having a job and without understanding the time which can spend in job days. Understanding matters dude!

There was a time when i had too much stuffs to write. So much bogs, discussions were active at that time. what is happening around me.. may be am getting into myself now. may be others also.
but really missing that days now.

Employed

am employed now, new place, new people.. its much far from my home. have to take 2 buses to reach here. but actually the places that i have to travel through is pretty good. big trees, small waterfalls, very greenish appearance. the place i work is called 'karukachal'. 2 collegues. so u can understand its a small brach office of a big company.
am just sitting here, watching people outside, getting bored, feeling hungry..
so i thought to do blogging.
opposite to my office, there is a small tea shop. that caught my eye first.

food, and foood

am so hungry when am sad. y is that so? so last day i made a snack..
ya. its good..
i'l tell the recipe.. it tastes so good.
take 7-8 dates, remove its seed and fill there with cashew nut or badam.
take some 2-3 spoons of maida , mix it with water.
put the dates in the maida mix and deep fry it in oil..
the snack is ready..
actually,
the dates tastes good after frying it.
no moree news for today.

lately...

it happend. i got specs.. dr told me to use it continuosly for about 6months. :)
i cannot think that am alone again.
but its true.
life is not so simple like we think.. ups and downs.. am fed up.

Seasons..

Again its a muzzy day. Morning,i decided to clean up my book shelf. It contained a lot of books unarranged and i got my 10yr old pen collection from that. I was really hesitated to threw out my stuffs, and luckily most of the pens had no ink and i so dump it today.oho.. feeling sad.:(

Before some days, a point was discussed about behavioural changes in rainy season. I donno how many persons felt that. my friend told me that he have 2 characters, and feel so calm and talk sweet and write a lot in this time. and rest of the time, might not be feeling the same. But i felt its true.
From my observation, i found out a similar behavioural change. Not much behavioural. But somewhat similar to that. i love to write a lot in rainy season. Matter and subject is not at all an important factor in these times. Besides that, i just love to be wrapped by my red blanket and sleep all the day,closing all windows for making a dark in the room. And so, reading will be very less. Since school days, i easily fell asleep if i start reading in night. But that phenomenon was just for study texts. And i dint like to sleep in after noon like all other do. But in rainy season, the cold make me sleep all the day. I know, u may be feeling it usual or my writing as bull shit.!!!
But think, Why is that so?

How a rain can make changes in people?..
Seasons affect people.. mh.. needs a proper research. :)

ME.!

When someone asked me to select the way that i like, i always sat with a shameless face. Its been like this always.

I am 22 and everyone think that i should have an aim to which i extend my dreams. But unluckily, i dont have any. It just varies from this to that with any of the surroundings or situations around me.

Sometimes, i love to become a dancer eventhough i dint dance anywhere outside my room. even i cannot named it as a dance. and i love to study moree and more and collect a lot of degrees/certificates eventhough i hate to write exams. what to ddo?.. none will give degrees without writing some stupid exams.

Latest is, to start a restaurant.b'coz my first and foremost interest is to cook and eat. mh.........I love it. and the one hidden fact behind is, even the owners of the restaurants will not be ready to eat the food they serve in my city.Am not telling it about all restaurants. but, around 95%.

ha.. likewise, my interest change from this to that.

Now i've completed my post graduation. But still yet, my life was just flowing. I selected one subject in HS. and then reached a very different topic in graduation. then also, i did my post graduation in a subject i've never thought of till the end of my graduation. I dono how i am like this.. why i spend life like this.. without much try to explore the future, i reached here. so i think, this will continue and i shall reach somewheree i never thought of.

for some 3 days, am feeling pain behind my eyes. One of my friend told me that i shall have to wear specs. I always loved to wear it since my childhood. but before 2,3weeks my friend told me that i'l look bad with specs. so i changed my mind. i dont want it now. mm.. am tensed to go to a eye specialist..i dont want specs...

experiencing another rainy season

i was finding a place to hide,

yeah, from me.

I am enjoying the heavy rain.. where else i can see the most beautiful rain than this. its continuously raining.

and my most beautiful interest it to see the rain, but sometimes, like to be inside home by closing all the doors and windows. but can see the rain through the windows even it is closed. and, reading in that dim light. I donno why i feel to do so.

yeah, its flood over here. almost all over here. so i think, the rain is beautiful only within here. outside, people are struggling. road sides are fully flooding, so its difficult to get out. and i find the something interesting here is that most people hate to get wet in rain.. why?

ഒരു മഴ പറഞ്ഞിട്ട് പോയത്

ഒരു മഴയില്‍ അങ്ങ്‌ തൊടിയില്‍
നിന്റെ പ്രണയം നീരാട്ട്‌ നടത്തിയതും
മയങ്ങിക്കത്തുന്ന മെഴുകുതിരികളെ
നീ ശപിച്ചിറക്കി വിട്ടതും
മഴയുടെ കുളിരില്‍ ‍
രാത്രി ചുവപ്പ്‌ പട്ടില്‌ മൂടിയതും
ഞാനോര്‍ക്കുന്നു.
ഒടുവിലീ മഴ നിന്നെയവഗണിച്ചെന്നെ
സ്വന്തമാക്കവേ
തിരിഞ്ഞ്‌ നോക്കാനാവാതെ
ഞാനിറങ്ങുന്നു

. . .

മഴയുടെ ഇരമ്പലില്‍
ചില കണ്ടുപിടുത്തങ്ങളിലാണ്‌
മുറ്റത്തെ ചെമ്പകം.
നിന്‍റെ വിയര്‍പ്പിന്‌
വസന്തത്തിന്‍റെ രുചിയും,
നിന്റെ ചൂടിന്‌
ശിശിരത്തിന്റെ കുളിരും
ഈ മഴയ്‌ക്ക്‌ നമ്മുടെ നിറവുമുണ്ടത്രേ,
കാലങ്ങളോരോന്നായ്‌
നമ്മില്‍ മാറി മാറി നിറയവേ,
ചെമ്പകങ്ങള്‌‍‍‌ പുതിയ നിറം
നമ്മില്‍ കണ്ടുപിടിക്കുന്നു